Remembrance
by immertreu
Summary: The Skywalkers and the Solos get together on the anniversary of Mara's death. - Takes place about three years after "Legacy of the Force - Sacrifice", shortly before "Fate of the Jedi - Outcast".


**A/N:** I don't own any of the characters. I'm just borrowing them and promise to give them back unharmed.

"Mara's note" borrowed from Karen Traviss's "Sacrifice."

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><p><strong>Remembrance<strong>

by immertreu

January 28, 2012

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><p>When Ben Skywalker showed up on their doorstep at four in the morning, Leia Organa Solo wasn't too surprised. Things had been going rather well between Luke and Ben lately, but there were still times when father and son clashed over something as trivial as who had been supposed to wash the dishes the night before. Sometimes they had a huge fight because of Luke's overprotectiveness toward his only son who didn't take well to being treated like a teenager. Ben had been through so much in his young life that debating over curfew seemed laughable – but it happened nonetheless.<p>

Leia felt his approach a few minutes earlier when he'd entered the apartment building. She opened the door before Ben could ring the bell and greeted her nephew with a heartfelt hug. Allowing the door to slide shut behind him, she pulled him inside and looked him over.

She knew she wasn't being very subtle, so she merely grinned when Ben sighed and shrugged self-consciously.

"I'm fine, Aunt Leia. Really. I just needed to get away from…home, for a while."

Leia didn't miss the slight hesitation but decided not to comment on it. Instead, she nudged him further into the apartment and started walking toward the kitchen.

"Let me guess, you want some hot chocolate?"

Ben grinned his boyish smile that reminded her of her brother when she'd first met him. Luke had been so young and innocent, and his smile had always made her feel better, no matter the circumstances. There had been a twinkle in his eyes which endeared the youth to everyone he met – without his noticing, of course. Her brother had been so clueless back then. Leia sighed and pushed the thought away. Luke hadn't smiled like that in a very long time.

Ben trailed behind Leia and dropped his light travel bag in its usual corner near the hall leading to the bedrooms where Han and Allana rested undisturbed.

The Solos' place had always been a second home to Ben, and he knew without asking that he would be welcome to stay as long as he liked. He also knew with a hundred percent certainty that one of the spare bedrooms down the hall – or maybe even two – was prepared and ready in case one or maybe even both of the remaining Solo/Skywalker children decided to stop by unexpectedly. Family always came first, especially in this house that had been torn apart by endless wars and years of darkness.

Ben shook his head to clear his mind and entered the kitchen where Leia was already busy preparing hot chocolate for both of them. He'd come here to leave the past behind for a night, not to dwell on it.

Taking his usual place at the kitchen table, Ben accepted the drink his aunt offered him with a grateful nod and clasped his cold hands around the warm mug. He'd mostly walked to the Solos' apartment building to regain some composure after his sudden departure from his family's – well, Luke's – apartment, and it had been rather chilly outside. The walk had helped. Ben met his aunt's curious glance with an honest smile.

"Aunt Leia…I told you, I'm fine. Would you stop worrying, please?"

Leia flushed a little and sat down on the stool opposite him, mirroring his position with her hands cupped around her own drink.

"I'm your aunt. I have to worry when you show up out of nowhere in the middle of the night." She paused to gather her thoughts and finally continued. "Do you want to tell me what happened? I thought you and Luke had worked things out between the two of you."

Ben shrugged. "We have," he replied. "But Dad's dreaming again. I know no one else in the area notices because they're not family, but I do, and it's driving me crazy."

"Oh!" was all Leia could say to that.

"Exactly." Ben chuckled. "I think I've experienced enough Jade-Skywalker weirdness in my life. I really don't need to be there for another round – in dreamland, no less."

Leia regarded her nephew carefully. She knew he'd been dealing better with his mother's death than Luke, but that didn't mean he was completely over it yet. Life went on, but losing a parent – by the hand of one's own cousin, to make matters worse – was a traumatic experience in itself. Add to that yet another war, losing your cousin to the dark side, being tortured by said cousin, and almost losing your father to his own grief…well, it was the perfect setup for a nervous breakdown, wasn't it? But Ben was strong. He would be all right. He was coping. They all were.

"Okay," was all she said at last. "Uhm…do you want me to talk to him?"

Ben looked up from the hot chocolate he'd been swirling about. "No! Of course not! He'd be horrified if he knew that I know. He's not doing it on purpose, and if he found out that he's always projecting his feelings into the Force around this time of year, he'd draw back into himself again in order not to hurt me – us – any further."

Leia grimaced ruefully. "I know."

Both of them remembered the time after Mara's death very clearly. Luke had been closed off, shutting out everyone, even his family, because feeling, letting others in, had been to painful for him at the time. His Force-bond with his wife had been strong, probably one of – if not _the_ – strongest anyone in the New Republic had ever heard of, and losing Mara and their link so abruptly and violently had almost shattered him to his very core. Finding his soul mate had been a hard and trying journey, and losing her so soon after what felt like only a few short years had been cruel.

Luke had finally come out of his stupor and grief, but even the Grand Master of the Jedi Order wasn't able to control every fiber of his being, all his thoughts and emotions – especially not when sleeping. But Luke would still try if he knew he was causing his family any more pain, no matter the consequences for himself.

Leia's twin was stubborn to a fault. Something she guessed he – they – must have inherited from their parents. Unfortunately, they would never know which side of the Skywalker family it had come from. But their tenacity was what had saved both their lives more than once.

Leia looked at Ben questioningly. "So what do we do?"

Ben shrugged. "Nothing. I just needed to get away for a while, so Dad could be alone with his memories for the night. He'll be okay when he wakes up. He always is."

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Leia, and she looked at Ben in alarm. "Did you tell him where you were going?" she asked.

Ben nodded, then smiled sheepishly. "I didn't talk to him, of course. I left him a note."

Leia winced, and Ben put a comforting hand on top of hers now lying on the table.

"Yes, I told him I was coming here. And no, I didn't leave any cryptic clues or vague hints." He sighed. "I don't think he'd ever forgive me if I did that to him again. Not after Mom…"

His voice trailed off, and now it was Leia who gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. The Solos were the only people who knew about the note Mara had left her husband when she'd gone off to find Jacen and confront him: "Gone hunting for a few days. Don't be mad at me, farmboy," was all it had said.

His family knew that Luke had never forgiven himself for not even saying good-bye to his wife before she left, but everyone knew that Mara had wanted it that way, that she'd said her farewells when he slept. He'd learned to live with it, but accepting it was something else entirely. Only time could heal this particular wound.

Speaking of time…Leia was surprised to see that the chrono on the wall was nearing five in the morning. She hadn't even noticed the time fly by. She extended her senses carefully toward the two people occupying two of the bedrooms in the sleeping area of the apartment and was relieved to find that Allana was still sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming about her last adventure aboard the Millenium Falcon with her grandfather. Han was sleeping, too, but a little restless – sensing that his wife wasn't lying next to him anymore but not alarmed. He knew she'd wake him if anything important happened.

Suddenly, Leia sensed another presence nearing their apartment and felt Ben stiffen at exactly the same moment. He'd sensed it, too.

Leia chuckled and stood, throwing an amused glance back toward Ben. Obviously, his escape from home hadn't gone as planned and definitely not unnoticed as he'd hoped. He simply shrugged and rolled his eyes as if to say, "I should have known."

Leia grinned and went to welcome their newest visitor. She hit the release button next to the apartment door, and when it swooshed open with a light breeze of displaced air, her brother was standing outside with a slightly insecure grin on his face and a travel bag very similar to his son's slung over one shoulder.

When Leia didn't say anything, he shrugged and commented, "I heard there was a party going on here."

Leia couldn't help herself. She laughed out loud and pulled Luke inside and into a hug, exactly as she'd done with Ben only an hour ago. The siblings stood frozen just inside the door until Leia finally felt the tension drain away from her twin. He hadn't been sure if he would be welcome.

"You're being silly, you know that, right?" she answered his unspoken question. "This is your home, too".

Luke nodded, still caught in her embrace. "I know," he said, slightly muffled because his head was buried in the mass of her flowing hair she hadn't yet had time to pull into some kind of decent knot or braid. "But I wasn't sure coming here was the right thing, knowing that Ben came here first." He still wasn't exactly sure why he'd come, but it felt right.

Leia pulled back a little and looked up at him, relieved to see that his eyes were clear and his Force aura calm and peaceful, accepting. She glanced back to where Ben was preparing another drink for his father, judging by the clangs and bangs coming from the direction of the kitchen. Smiling, she turned toward Luke and reached up to tousle his hair, as she'd done so many times since they'd found each other again.

"Come on," she said, tugging at his sleeve. "We were just having a talk – and some hot chocolate." Luke's s eyes lit up at that, and Leia was overjoyed to notice it. Seeing that the thought of his favorite drink could bring back some of the old sparkle in his eyes was a tremendous relief. He was healing. Painful dreams and memories were part of the process.

Brother and sister made their way toward the enticing aroma coming from the kitchen. Luke unceremoniously dropped his bag next to his son's with a muffled thud.

Ben looked up when they entered the room, obviously not sure how to react to his father's unexpected appearance. Luke merely shrugged, sitting down next to Ben and reaching out for one of the three mugs now sitting on the kitchen table. "Couldn't let you have all the fun without me, right?" he said.

"R–i–ght," Ben drawled, matching his father's dry tones perfectly.

Leia chuckled, wondering for the umpteenth time if the Skywalkers sitting here at her kitchen table were aware of how similar they were – in some regards, at least. Ben had his father's quiet strength and passion, his dry sense of humor, and his brilliant and unsettling blue eyes. There was a lot of Mara in him, too, particulary her stealth and unobtrusive elegance which seemed totally out of place in a teenager Ben's age. He should be all arms and legs, but he'd somehow skipped that phase growing up. His red hair was a slightly paler shade of the flaming color that had framed Mara's face. But he had inherited his mother's attentive mind, her abilty to think clearly, analytically.

Ben was a combination of his parents' best traits – and very dangerous without even realizing it.

Leia caught Luke looking at her questioningly, but she shook her head slowly, not wanting to disturb the unexpected moment of peace and family. There would be enough time to worry about the boy's place in the galaxy later, when things had finally calmed down enough so that Ben could decide what he wanted to do with his life. Leia couldn't quite picture him following in his father's footsteps, teaching the younglings with patience and joy. But you never knew. Life was full of surprises.

Suddenly, a door down the hall opened, and the sound of small, hurried feet could be heard approaching the kitchen. A few seconds later, Allana appeared in the doorway and launched herself at Luke with a cry of pure joy. "Uncle Luke, when did you get here?"

Allana squealed in delight as Luke jumped up and caught his little niece in mid-air, whirling her about before hugging her close, affectionally ruffling her hair that was still mussed up from sleep.

"I arrived a few minutes ago," he replied. "Shouldn't you be sleeping, little princess?" he asked, grinning at Ben and Leia over the top of Allana's head. He knew as well as they did that Allana would never go back to bed now, not when her uncle and her cousin had come by for an unexpected visit.

Ben got up as well and came over to hug Allana when Luke finally put her back on her feet.

"Hi, Ben," she said, clinging to him for a few seconds before jumping up and down in excitement. "I didn't know you were coming." She suddenly stopped and frowned with such an earnest expression that the rest of her family couldn't help but laugh. Allana was just too cute when she forgot all about her upbringing at the Hapan court and reverted to simply being a little girl. "It's too early for a visit," she finally announced, which made the adults laugh even more.

Leia waved her over. Allana obeyed and climbed on her grandmother's lap. "You're right, sweetie, it's too early, but none of us could sleep, and we're all family, so it's okay," she soothed, giving her granddaughter a kiss on the forehead. "Do you want to go back to bed?" Allana shook her head no, and Leia sighed. She hadn't expected anything else.

A slightly scratchy voice from the doorway announced that the last person in the Solos' apartment had finally woken up as well. "Morning," Han said and yawned. "Isn't it a little early for a family reunion?"

Ben snorted into his mug and cast a glance toward his father who tried to hide a grin.

"That's what I just said!" Allana piped up, pleased that at least one of the adults agreed with her.

Han turned toward Leia with a raised eyebrow and disheveled his granddaughter's hair even more before giving his wife a kiss. "At least someone bothered to look at the time," he grumbled, but everyone knew he didn't mean it. "Is there any caf?" he slurred, looking at the mugs of hot chocolate incredulously.

His expression said clearly that he couldn't understand how anyone could be up at this early hour without at least a decent cup of caf. He'd complained about the family of chocoholics he'd married into often enough.

Ignoring the feigned expressions of hurt on his three Jedi relatives' faces, Han set to work at the caf dispenser while Luke disappeared into the living room and came back with a blanket for Allana. Leia nodded her thanks at him when he wrapped it securely around the child before sitting down again.

Silence settled over the kitchen when Han finally joined his family at the table, caf in hand. "So, what's everybody doing here?" he asked, sipping his hot drink and enjoying the strong aroma.

"Well," Ben began when no one else made any move to speak. "I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a walk. I ended up here". It was the truth, more or less, and none of the adults challenged him on it.

Luke smiled grimly and finally offered an explanation of his own. "I woke up when Ben left the apartment, and since I couldn't go back to sleep, I thought I'd pay my family a visit." He glanced at Ben who caught the meaning of his father's gaze easily. _We'll talk about this later_, it promised, and Ben wasn't looking forward to it. That was the problem with a father who was also a Jedi: he almost always knew what you really wanted to say without you even knowing it yourself.

Ben sighed and dipped his head in acknowledgment. He had made a promise to himself not to have any more secrets from his father. He wouldn't back down from it now.

Luke nodded, not hiding the pride he felt for his son at that moment. They had indeed come a long way together.

Leia watched the silent exchange and gave Ben an encouraging nudge through the Force. Father and son would be fine. Looking at Han, she said, "I woke up early today and thought that maybe everybody should come together for dinner tonight." What she didn't say but clearly meant was: so they could remember Mara's life – and death – as a family. This year was the first time they were all on-planet on the anniversary day of her death and not scattered half-way around the galaxy as in the previous years.

Luke sucked in a breath, but when he didn't reply to her unspoken message, Leia continued. "I was just starting to make a list of things we would need when Ben arrived."

Turning to her adopted daughter she asked, "And what are you doing up so early?"

Proud that she was even asked, Allana tried to sit up straight without losing hold of her blanket and replied, "There were so many people here. I could feel them." She snuggled back against her grandmother, satisfied with her very Jedi-like answer, and Leia finally turned to Han with a questioning gaze.

Before she could even ask, he said, "Jaina called me on my comlink. She wanted to know if there was any kind of trouble because she sensed everyone was gathering at our place. So when I told her I had no idea what she was talking about, she sent me to investigate and promised to be here in five minutes."

As if on cue, the apartment door wooshed open. Jaina appeared in the kitchen doorway a few seconds later, looking as if she hadn't even gone to bed yet – which she probably hadn't. Han tried not to dwell on where his little girl had been and got up to greet his daughter.

"Everything's fine," he said. "Just a bout of insomnia that's affected the whole family," he offered quietly. He didn't have to elaborate.

Jaina knew as well as anyone in the family what this particular day of the year was, so she simply gave him a little squeeze and nodded in understanding before turning to greet the rest of her relatives. She gave her uncle and her cousin a hug, cuddled Allana for a moment, and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek before settling down in the chair on the other side of Ben, accepting the cup of caf her father handed her.

"So, what's up?" she asked, all innocence – which fooled no one, of course. Jaina sipped her drink and waited for someone to break the silence first. Not surprisingly, it was her mother who spoke up. Ever the diplomat, she gestured around the kitchen, indicating the assembled Solos and Skywalkers.

"I thought we could have dinner tonight," Leia said for the second time that day. "But seeing that we're all here and awake already…how about breakfast instead?"

Everyone agreed, so they set to work as a family – remembering their fallen kin and honoring them with life.

They didn't talk much, but there was a lot of touching going on while they laid the table. Leia gave Luke's hand a gentle squeeze when they accidentally reached for the same mug and their fingers touched. Han patted Luke on the back a little awkwardly when their paths crossed between the counter and the table.

Ben and Jaina ended up sitting side by side, with Allana standing between their stools, her little arms draped across both her cousins' necks. Sensing the somber mood of her family and guessing its source, the girl asked the question only a child would have dared to ask about the beloved aunt she'd never had the chance to know. The aunt who had been killed by her father – Jacen Solo.

"Uncle Luke?"

"Yes?" Luke turned to Allana, plates in hand.

"How did you and Aunt Mara meet?"

A flicker of pain crossed his features, and Leia thought her brother would drop the stack of plates right there and then. But he regained his composure almost immediately and placed his load on the table before sitting down heavily. He regarded his little niece in silence and finally motioned for her to come to him.

She hesitated at first, confused by his expression, but eventually, she complied. Luke gently pulled her on his lap, circling her tiny vaist with both his strong arms, and started telling her a story – but his gaze was fixed on Ben across the table.

"When I first met your Aunt Mara, she was pointing a blaster at me…"

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><p>Later that day, after breakfast which had turned into brunch and was about to extend into dinner as well, Luke tugged his son aside and led him to one of the empty bedrooms down the hall. They stood in silence for a moment, looking at each other until the door closed behind them. Then Luke startled Ben by suddenly pulling him into a hug.<p>

Ben didn't know what to do, so he simply returned the hug. His father didn't seem to want to let go anytime soon. Ben thought he'd gotten used to his father's eccentricities over the past few years. Finally, after what felt like minutes, Luke stepped back and self-consciously scrubbed a hand through his graying hair.

"Sorry," he smiled. "I guess I just wanted to make sure you were really here, you know."

Ben stared at him, astonished. "Why wouldn't I be?" he asked eventually. His father wasn't losing his mind, was he? Sure, he'd always been more open, more human around his family, not at all like the consummate Jedi Master everyone else in the galaxy usually got to see. But this was something entirely different.

Luke shook his head in amusement, picking up on Ben's stray thoughts. "No, I'm not going crazy. And yes, I know we've seen a lot of each other lately – for which I am very grateful – but seeing and, well, feeling isn't the same." He shrugged, for once at a loss for words.

Ben looked at his father and finally understood. "This is about those dreams you've been having, right?"

Luke flinched. "How did you...? Oh, no, tell me I didn't!" He started pacing the floor, suddenly agitated. "How long have you known? Does everyone know? I should have better control than that!" He turned around and stared at Ben expectantly, willing his son to answer.

Ben took a step toward him, then thought the better of it and stayed where he was. Trying to sound calm and collected despite the apprehension whirling through him, he said, "I've always known, and no, it's not as bad as you think. Aunt Leia knows, too, but she understands. You're allowed to lose control once in a while. You're only human, and you can't help it if you dream of Mom sometimes. I think it would be weird if you didn't. You still, uhm…"

The teenager seemed unsure how to say it and blurted out, "Uh…love her, you know."

Luke let out a huge sigh and sank down onto the bed, burying his head in his hands. When he finally looked up again, Ben saw acceptance and understanding dawning in his eyes. "That's why you left last night, isn't it? I was dreaming again, disturbing the Force and making you uneasy."

It was more of a statement than a question, so Ben simply nodded and sat down next to his father. "As I told you, you can't control everything, and it's okay. You were my Master _and_ you are my father. I think I'm better attuned to your feelings than anyone, wouldn't you say?"

Luke shook his head ruefully. "Yes, but still...It's hard enough for you without me adding to your worries."

Ben didn't know what to say to that, so he kept silent. Not having any secrets from his father didn't mean telling him his every thought and feeling, right?

Luke quirked an eyebrow at Ben, understanding his son's reluctance to talk about his own emotions, and reached up to tousle the red-gold shock of hair which reminded him of his late wife every time he looked at Ben.

"Dad!" came the expected indignant yell, and Luke laughed.

"Sorry, couldn't help myself." Growing serious again, he added, "I want to make a deal with you."

Ben regarded him questioningly. "What kind of deal?"

"Promise me that next time I'm seriously disturbing you, you're going to wake me. I guess you're right, I can't control it – not without shutting myself off from the Force and hurting you even more – but maybe we could talk about Mom once in a while when it happens? We're thinking about her all the time anyway. We might as well speak about her more often. She wouldn't want us to drift apart because of this."

They sat in silence for a while, Luke giving Ben time to think about his request. At last Ben nodded. "I'll do it. Just don't cut me in half with your lightsaber when I wake you up, okay?"

Luke grinned. "I'll try."

They embraced once more. Neither of them felt like getting up and returning to the Solos just yet. When Luke finally stood, he extended a hand toward his son and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, dinner must be ready by now."

They were almost to the door when Luke stopped Ben with a hand on his arm. "Thank you."

Ben merely shrugged, both embarrassed and pleased that his father, the Grand Master, had confided in him and not shut him out again. Things had obviously changed since the last time they went down this road.

"She would be proud of you, my son." There was no answer to that, so Ben turned to leave when his father spoke once more.

"Oh, Ben?" There was a definite trace of good humor in Luke's voice now.

"Yes?" Ben asked suspiciously.

"Not _all_ the dreams are bad, you know."

"Ew, _Dad_!"

Luke's laughter followed Ben all the way down the hall toward where the rest of their family was waiting.

**The End**


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